Does relationship empower you


Have you ever wondered what are the mistakes you make in the way you relate to men but weren’t so sure what was wrong or how to change it ? To improve a relationship with a man, whether it is your husband, boyfriend, male friend, colleagues, or father, it may not be just about understanding the man and his behaviour, but taking an honest look at your own behaviour as well. Sometimes, we, as women, unconsciously bringing out the worst in the men we love by how we behave around them.

Mistake No. 1 : Women sacrifice who they are and put themselves second in importance to the man they love

Do you give up your own hobbies and interests because your partner dislikes it or to avoid conflict with your partner? Do you give up friends or family members whom your partner disapproves of? Do you turn your back on people who are important to you rather than risk the loss of a man’s love?

Why do some men try to separate you from the family and friends you loved? Some men are insecure within themselves and thus they try to cut you off from your support system. When you are getting less support from these people, you will depend more on the man for love. Your relationship will also become isolated from these people’s criticism and negative feedback of his treatment to you, thereby protecting your partner from the scrutiny of these people. You then put yourself second in importance and become whatever your man wants you to be.

When you sacrifice for love and put yourself second in a relationship, you believe that your man will end up loving you more. This may or may not happen. What will happen is, as time goes by, you will end up loving yourself less. Each time you give up an interest, a family member, or a friend in the hope of winning a man’s love, you give away a piece of yourself. The more you sacrifice, the less of yourself remains, until one day, you wake up and find yourself feeling empty inside. You’ve given up all of yourself to become more acceptable, and in the process, you lost your essence, the soul of your womanhood. The loss is often followed by anger, depression and loss of self-esteem. You feel resentful towards yourself and the man you sacrificed for, who, more often than not, didn’t end up loving you the way you expected.

Mistake No. 2 : Women hide their excellence and competence

Do you have the tendency of putting yourself down in front of the man you love ? Do you often have difficult times receiving praise and compliments? Do you talk about yourself in derogatory terms for the slightest mistake you make, appearing not to like yourself very much ?

“I can’t believe how stupid I was to forget about your business function tonight.”

“I’m getting so fat, look at this cellulite!”

“My boss said he is pleased with my presentation today, but I didn’t think I did a good job. I got quite confused with the budget projections and I didn’t really know what I was talking about.”

Some women cover up their competence thinking that men will love them more that way. Have you ever been told, “Don’t act too smart around men, or they won’t want to ask you out. You have to build them up and make them feel smarter than you.”

The fact is, men are turned on by competence and turned off by weakness. Men admire competent women. They are trained to be competent themselves and recognizing it in someone else makes them feel attracted to that person.

Mistake No. 3 : Women cover up or give up their power to men

Some women sacrifice their self-respect, self-esteem, sense of personal dignity and integrity in order to get men to love them. Do you act more as a confident and powerful person at work or with friends than you do when you are with your partner ? Do you feel insecure or uncomfortable giving negative feedback to your partner ? Do you put up with intolerable behaviour of your partner in hopes of winning him over ? Do you sacrifice what you wants and needs in order to accommodate your partner ? Do you live in constant fear of disapproval ?

One of the biggest mistake women make with men is rewarding them with loving behaviour after the men treated the women badly.

Each time you give your power away to a man by allowing him to treat you disrespectfully or unlovingly, you lose respect and love for yourself. Your self-esteem will drop.

For many women, they have become so accustomed to not being treated with respect and dignity that they allow men to love them much less than they deserved to be loved.

Owning your power with men does not mean having power over them. It is about empowering yourself with love and respect and making sure the men in your life do the same.

Mistake No. 4 : Women act like mothers and treat men like children

Have you ever said any of the following things to a man ?

“Honey, did you remember to pay that overdue phone bill ?”

“You forget to make the hotel reservation ? It’s ok, I’ll do it for you.”

“Don’t forget to switch off the lights before you come upstairs.”

“Don’t you think you will feel cold with that light jacket on?”

“Darling, don’t forget to take your medicine.”

“How many times do I have to tell you to wash the cup after use?”

“The last time I asked John to do grocery shopping for me, it was a disaster. He came back with almost due bread and milk. I should have just done it myself.”

When we keep asking questions such as listed above, we are treating men like children. We are assuming that they cannot take care of themselves and need constant reminders. We act as if they are incompetent and they need us to run their lives for them.

When you treat a man like a little boy, he will act like one. When you expect a man to be incompetent, he remains incompetent.

Mistake No. 5 : Women act like little girls to get what they want from men

When you were a little girl, you got attention for being sweet, cute and vulnerable. For some women, this behaviour carries on till adulthood.

Some women act naive or ignorant when in actual fact she knows the truth and the answer. She tries to give men the false sense of self-esteem.

Do you act hurt, cry, pout or sulk when you are angry over the way the man treats you? Do you pretend to be lost or confused when you are not? Do you speak to a man in whiny, little-girl voice rather than as a woman ? Do you create chaos in your life so that you can get a man to rescue you and secretly enjoyed being rescued?

Men may enjoy feeling big, strong and in charge, but they will not respect you. They will end up treating you like a little girl, not the woman whom you really are. This means less passion, less real love.

For some men, they are already overwhelmed by responsibilities in life. So, even though he responds to your helplessness and rescues you, he may end up feeling resentful and annoyed by your behaviour in the end.

Mistake No. 6 : Women fall in love with a man’s potentialImageImage

Do you expect yourself finding men in need, and focusing much of your time and energy on “helping” them, “rescuing” them, “fixing” them? You give them time, love, money, energy and advice. And when you succeed, you pride yourself on your ability to “bring out the best in a man”? If your answer is yes, then, you are not falling in love with the man, you are falling in love with his potential. You are not really in a relationship; you are actually “working on a project”.

Having a healthy relationship with a man means loving him for who is now, and not loving him in spite of who he is today, or loving him with the hope of who he will be tomorrow.


Relationship rejection is one of those nasty by products that come along with dating. Most of us don’t have skin thick enough to completely ward off the effects. We are “only human” after all. .However, when one person tells another that they aren’t a good match, politely or otherwise, you can’t help but feel the pain of rejection. This isn’t the soft pain that you associate with asking someone out and them saying no. This is relationship rejection and it comes after feelings have been seriously committed. When this happens, keep the following tips in mind.

.Address the pain.
It’s no use hiding in your bed or behind a big bottle of wine. You’re bound to feel a great deal of pain and it’s good to embrace it. Rejection hurts but you need to face it to fix it and move on.


 Avoid needless anguish.

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Relationship rejection is one of those nasty by products that come along with dating. Most of us don’t have skin thick enough to completely ward off the effects. We are “only human” after all. .However, when one person tells another that they aren’t a good match, politely or otherwise, you can’t help but feel the pain of rejection. This isn’t the soft pain that you associate with asking someone out and them saying no. This is relationship rejection and it comes after feelings have been seriously committed. When this happens, keep the following tips in mind.

.Address the pain.
It’s no use hiding in your bed or behind a big bottle of wine. You’re bound to feel a great deal of pain and it’s good to embrace it. Rejection hurts but you need to face it to fix it and move on.


 Avoid needless anguish.
Some relationships are worth fighting for to be sure, but really take a look at what the reasons were that led to the breakup or rejection. You don’t want to beat a dead horse. Let it go and spend your time fighting for something and someone with a future. .

Keep occupied.
As good as it is to face rejection, you also need to ensure that you’re not compounding the pain by dwelling needlessly on it. Get outside, get together with friends, join a club and keep social. Not only will it be better for you mentally, but it can also serve as an intro to your next relationship!

.The right person for you is a step closer.
This might sound a little hokey to begin with but the truth of the matter is that by not spending time with someone who knows you’re not right for them, you’re opening up time in your life for someone who is right. After all, life is busy enough as is to spend what little free time we have with Mr. or Ms. Wrong.

Everyone faces rejection. It’s a part of dating and relationships. You might feel the sting for days, weeks or months to come, but when you keep focused on your goal of finding the right connection as opposed to the wrong one, you’re bound to bounce back and be all the better for it!

.Everyone faces rejection. It’s a part of dating and relationships. You might feel the something for days, weeks or months to come, but when you keep focused on your goal of finding the right connection as opposed to the wrong one, you’re bound to bounce back and be all the better for it!

Man is StrongThe Definition of A Man As Defined By Good Woman; Men are strong both physically and mentally. A man’s mental strength is not defined in the times of triumph but in times of failure. It is only when pushed to a near breaking point does a true man become defined. Does he quit or does he get up and try again? Does he let himself be suppressed or does he rise to free himself from defeat?

A man is Decisive; A good man takes the time to think before he acts. His emotions do not decide his fate but rather his mind and when he comes to a conclusion, he sticks with it.

A man is Confident; Never to be deterred, a good man follows the beat of his own drum. He knows that the path he is on will lead him to where he wants to go. He does not let the questions of others bombard his mind or make impressions on his heart.

A man Knows When To Admit His Mistakes and Owns Up To Them; Even good men make mistakes. The test of a good man comes in how he makes up for the mistakes he has made. Does he repent and ask forgiveness from those he has harmed or does he shy away in shame at what he has done?

A man is Responsible; A good man is not only responsible but also takes responsibility for his actions. He can be trusted to live by his word and in times of his short comings, he does not simply brush it off.

A man is Kind; A good man does not play with a person’s emotions and makes sure that his intentions are made clear. He gives to those who give to them and helps where he sees a need.

A man is a Protector; Never to be toyed with, a good man does not back down when his loved ones are in danger.

A man Understands His Woman; The true test of a man comes in his daily interactions with the one he calls his own. He knows her deepest secret and delves into the dark parts of her heart. A man knows and understands that without fully understanding the woman he is with, that any relationship between the two will fail.

I remember a quote from Shakespeare that goes something like this: “God made him as a man so we will pass him as one.”

Very eloquent, but to women, simply being male does not entitle you to become a card carrying member of The Manhood Club. There are specific characteristics and qualities that women look for.

First off, let’s look outside of sex when trying to compile a definition of a man. Sex isn’t everything and a relationship based totally on sex is nothing special. A male that knows how to utilize his tool certainly does not make him a man. You see, a sorry, selfish, irresponsible, lazy man could be the ultimate lover. Sex should be the last component in the definition because those skills can be developed by the couple. Working on it together can lead to an awesome experience. In other words, sex does not make the man.

The question on the table is “what do women really want?” The answer is a complete package.

What is in a complete package? For those that are somewhat bewildered or confused, allow me to provide you with a list of the qualities women look for in men:


An ambitious man is a successful man because he strives for the best, no matter what his goals are. Strength does not necessitate muscles but inner strength. He is able to reach inside, draw from that strength when it is needed and share it if the need arises. He goes after what he wants without stepping on feet or toes but maneuvers around them.


He knows his responsibilities and owns up to them, whether it is family, work, and commitments. A man recognizes that mistakes are a part of life. He admits to them, doesn’t blame others or make excuses for his inconsistencies. He learns from them and acts accordingly.


Recognizes that no one is perfect, including himself. Encourages communication efforts to resolve important issues. Realizes the final say does not have to go one way (especially his way) or another, but knows that a compromise is always a possibility.

In Tune to Himself

He has self-awareness spiritually and mentally. He loves self, takes care of himself but is able to love others as well. He can hold a decent conversation with anyone and he knows how to express himself in any given conversation. He is respected by others and recognizes that in order to get respect, you have to give it. He can accept constructive criticism without taking it personally and recognizes that opinion is individual and each is entitled to his or hers.


He is unselfish and caring of others around him. He is neither self-centered nor egotistical. He thinks of others, and the feelings of others. Men are told from day one that men are not suppose to cry because it is a display weakness. Crying makes them human, and it has nothing to do with strength. It has to do with feeling. The lack of fear in showing true feelings constitutes strength and courage.

Relationships and Love

  • He is caring giving, honest, loyal and respects the lady in his life
  • He is willing to work things out together
  • He respects his mate as his other half
  • He knows that sharing is essential, good bad whatever
  • The word commitment is not taken lightly and he doesn’t make one unless he is sure that is what he wants to do. He will be the first to admit it.
  • The woman in his life is there to support and encourage. He appreciates it and shows it
  • He works with her, for her, towards common goals no matter what they are

Women love compliments, doors opened and chairs pulled out for us. A little pampering does a body good. For example: a little shoulder massage after a tiring day at work is comforting.

He recognizes that chivalry is not dead. He is a gentleman. He does not take for granted he is loved. He expresses it and let his woman know that he loves her as well. Love is appreciated and not taken lightly. The work needed to maintain a relationship is done willingly and cooperatively

Each woman’s definition of a man encompasses many different qualities, and each woman has at least a few of her own standards. Certainly my list is not a listing of the only qualities of manhood, but it is definitely a start. Some may feel it is unrealistic to expect to have a man that is worthy of such admiration and respect, and provides such devotion. I say that there is no perfection in anyone, but for someone to be human, loving, loyal and supportive is very close.


What is your definition of a Man? If you ask that question to a group of men you’ll hear many different answers depending upon environment and upbringing.

Some may say he is a man when he has reached a certain age, some may say when he has moved out from under mom’s roof and has his own car and apartment, and some believe that making a certain amount of money is attaining manhood. None of these things, however, are characteristics of a man. Manhood is a process, a transition from maleness.

The chart below states some of the differences between a male and a man.

Are You A Male Or A Man



does not carry a grudge looks for ways to get even
looks to better himself; he invests in his success complains that he has to stay where he is
gives to his community takes from his community
is measured by his character is measured by his sex drive
is a protector of women in general and committed to one woman in particular views a woman as an object of pleasure, and isn’t committed to anything!
word is his bond has no word, he will tell you what you want to hear
A Real man is a leader is a follower
thinks with is big head thinks with his little head
uses his intellect and emotions to make decisions makes emotional decisions

Males Are Born But Men Are Made

As you can see there are some distinctions between males and men. Being a man is not easy, especially when you understand a man’s roles and responsibilities. I was speaking with a brother one day, and he said to me, “Bro, this being a man thing is hard!” I knew exactly where he was coming from. Walking in manhood can be overwhelming because were going through the process of being reshaped, renewed, restored and completely retrained.

Most of us have been operating as males with sprinklings of manhood. For example, some of us may find a good woman, marry her, provide for her financially, sometimes emotionally, and do most things right. After about nine months to a year when she starts “trippin” because we’re hanging out with the fellas, that’s when we meet the other woman and revert to being a male. You see, a man has emotions but is not ruled by them. So when his wife starts “trippin”, he doesn’t allow her actions to dictate his reaction. A man understands that he is held accountable by God for the way he treats his wife regardless of the way she may be treating him.

The Making Of A Man

God created man to have dominion, to be a ruler, and to master his environment He created us in the beginning to be totally dependent on Him, He taught us directly. He instructed us and gave us our assignments. So, the making of a man was founded in and through Him. The only way this transition into manhood can take place is that we go back to Him.

1 Corinthians 13:11 states “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things”.

Keys To Becoming A Real Man

God created man to be a Provider, Protector, Cultivator, Visionary, and Leader

Provider: In Genesis 2:15 God put His man, Adam in a garden and gave him his first assignment, to work. Work was given to him to advance the purpose of God. God wanted Adam to have fulfillment, and to enable him to provide for his own needs as well as those for whom he would eventually be responsible for.

Notice that before he gave the man a woman he gave him work. Therefore a man needs work before he takes on a wife. A provider finds a way to supply for his family’s need. He plans ahead and anticipates needs before they arise.

Protector: When God put us in the garden to take care of it, not only did he want us to work in it and cultivate it, but he wanted us to also protect it, and all the animals, the plants, and the woman that he put there for us.

We are natural protectors, designed by God to protect everything we are responsible for.

Cultivator: To cultivate means to make something better than it was when you first received it. Look at your woman, how many of us are really cultivating our women?

Single Brothers: You should be cultivating every woman that comes into your circle. They should leave you a better person, NOT Pregnant, or emotionally abused after we’ve run so much game on them.

Married Men: We have this picture in our minds of what we want our wives to be and when she doesn’t measure up to that we blame her. Ask yourself, what have you put into her? What kind of deposits have you made into her spirit?

Have you cultivated her to be what you envision? Or what she envisions for herself? Do you know what her goals and dreams are? How are you helping her achieve them? A woman is like a seed, and we are water and light for her. If we pour into her and shine our light on her, she will blossom into a beautiful, compassionate, nurturing, submissive, help mate. Then you can look at her proudly and say “look at what I have cultivated”.

Visionary:Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision the people perish”.

To have vision means to conceive something in your mind and then move toward bringing that vision into reality. Every man should have a vision for his life. If he is married, he should have a vision for his family. The vision should include but not limited to Faith, Family, and Finances. We should have short term and long term goals, and they should be attainable.

Most of us don’t have a vision for our family and we wonder why our wives and children won’t submit to us. Brothers, look at the word submission, the prefix “sub” means under, and mission simply means goal or vision. So submitting is coming under one’s goals and vision. Well, brother she won’t submit if you don’t have a vision for her to submit under.

Leader: Every man is created by God to lead and a man should display leadership characteristics. Some men run away from the responsibility of leadership. They are selfish, only concerned about their own needs and not the needs of others.

Take a look at some leadership characteristics listed below:

  • A leader is a servant
  • A leader is disciplined
  • A leader is the first one up in the morning and the last one to go to bed
  • A leader sets the tone
  • A leader has integrity
  • A leader has character
  • A leader’s word is his bond
  • A leader is a role model
  • A leader provides, protects, cultivates, and has vision
  • A leader leads by example

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